Tuesday, March 31, 2009

*yawn* meh, eyes almost close alrd.. It's a new day, but it all feels old, it's a good life, that's wad Im told...okay, wait, why am i singing here? But yeah.. it's 00.10am and im typing my blog?? Haha!!

I'm going to leave singapore in less than 12 hours le.. Not exactly sure, whether i shall be happy or be sad, for going back have nth much to do, stay here, other than talk with zakia and sud and *cough* have great fun with ben, nth much can be done also le.. I'll miss you guys..esp you ben.. Brush up your skill yeah? I have full faith in you de!! If it's MT who reading this, um, tell him how i argue usually, so maybe, next time he argue he use more brain than mouth.. No offense intended, honest

Ah, when i arrive Indo alrd, dont know can keep recording like this or not alrd.. But sure hope i can.. Else it's gonna be a long 2 weeks in Indo alrd.. meh..


==================================Day 11 after break up===================================

11 days alrd.. wow.. Lots of things really happens in this 11 days alrd huh? we decided not to talk, you decided to let ben to talk to me, you kp with me.. Yeah, wad ben and you said are right.. I juz cant let go.. I mean, it's only 11 days, honestly, how do u expect me to let go and move on and do wadever crap? It's easy for you to say, coz u are happy with ben and all alrd, but wad abt me? You can do it, but that doesnt mean I can do it as easily as you do it.. Memories are still fresh, on how we need to go to service and it's raining outside and the shutter to the suntec is closed.. On how you come over to bishan for lunch after ur 1st day of work briefing for lunch in yoshinoya.. On how you stand there sweetly waiting for me to come by bus.. I dont know how you do it, but i really cant juz ignore all those stuff.. Call me names, but this is who I am, and i really dont think i'm doing anything wrong by doing this..



Monday, March 30, 2009

Mm, quite a long day today.. Woke up only at 8am.. 1st thing I checked is my msn.. Not much people online yet.. So, i went to wash up, forgot to turn on the heater and it's all chilly -.- Well, good to wake me up.. Mum and grandma was out to settle my grandma's visa to China.. So, it's me all alone.. Feeling bored, i decided to have some fun with ben, well indeed he provide me some fun.. That kinda kick start my day again..

Talked to zakia and as the wise one, she gave me more advice.. Mm, it really feels good to have her as friend.. Haha! Owe you a lot! :D Not long after that, my bro come online and we start talking cock a bit.. He told me naruto's manga now is very far alrd.. Hinata's dead alrd?? woot the fack? Then how bout Naruto? Wont he be sad? Ah, doesnt matter, Naruto dont give a shit on her anw.. Well, as i was talking, i realize the "Dance floor anthem" song from GC album is interesting, i went to find the lyrics and vid out, and post it up.. There, you can see it, cant you? Wj came online much later, checked with him whether he have any activity to occupy me or not, but all his plan for today is only jogging.....at BoonLay.. That's like freaking far sia.. Cancelled it anw, thought it's juz going to be yet another boring afternoon

Mum came back ard 1.10pm and she told me that she'll need me to acc her to j8 to get stuffs to bring back 2mr, so, seems like it wont be boring afterall.. Wash up, and ready to leave home alrd, and that's when chris came back.. He said he wanna join also, so we wait for him a while, and we head off.. Went there and do all works that i've been postponing time after time.. At least, now all settled alrd then

2mr flight will be morning flight, i think should be ard 10am.. 11 days to:

• finish my driving lessons
  
• visit my old tuition teacher
• buy new jacket
• buy new shoes
• buy new sling bag
• and last but not least, watch "Kambing Jantan"

That will all need to be done before sinting and wj come over on 14th.. Wew, going to be busy weeks

==================================Day 10 after break up===================================

Still cant forgot you talked to me ytd.. It's my last day in singapore today, and usually on the last day, we will go out almost the whole day, to keep memories till i came back and everything.. Gosh, it suddenly feel so far now, even though the fact is that it's only 10 days.. People say "time flies when you enjoy what you are doing" and my time definitely is not flying now.. You even chase me off ytd, but quoting from what you quote from me "ah well, shit happens"

She’s going out to forget they were together
All that time he was taking her for granted
She wants to see if there’s more
Then he gave she’s looking for

He calls her up
He’s trippin’ on the phone
Now he doesn’t want her out there and alone
Now he knows she’s smiling and
Knows she’s using it
Now he’s loosing it
She don’t care

Everybody
Put up your hands Say:
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”
Feel the beat now
If you’ve got nothing left say:
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”
Back it up now
You’ve got a reason to live say:
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”
Feelin’ good now
Don’t be afraid to get down say:
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”

He was always givin’ her attention
Working hard to find the things she mentioned
He was dedicated
By most sucka’s hated
That girl was fine
But she didn’t appreciate him

She calls him up she’s trippin’ on the phone
Now had to get up and he ain’t comin home
Now she’s tryin’ to forget him and
The salary came with him
When he first met her
When they first got together

Everybody
Put up your hands Say:
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”
Feel the beat now
If you’ve got nothing left say:
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”
Back it up now
You’ve got a reason to live say:
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”
Feelin’ good now
Don’t be afraid to get down say:
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”

Feel the beat
Feel the beat
Feel the beat

You got nothing to loose,
Don’t be afraid to get down

We break up it’s something that we do now
Everyone has got to do it sometime
It’s okay
Let it go
Get out there and find someone

It’s too much to be trippin’ on the phone here
Get off the wire
Now everything is good here
Stop what you’re doin’
You don’t wanna ruin
The chance that you got to
Find a new one

Everybody
Put up your hands Say:
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”
Feel the beat now
If you’ve got nothing left say:
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”
Back it up now
You’ve got a reason to live say:
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”
Feelin’ good now
Don’t be afraid to get down say:
”I don’t wanna be in love, I don’t wanna be in love”

No
No

Now you know what to do
So come on
Feelin’ good



Sunday, March 29, 2009

Wow, 3rd blogpost within 1 day.. I think other people that blog usually also not as often as me ba.. Well, i juz want to blog down what i dont want to forget loh..

Well, night time is an exciting night.. I was talking to zakia and sudono, and suddenly, i received a msg in facebook.. I thought "hmm, must be a spam mails again" and guess wad? surprise surprise, it's Ben who msg me!! 1 whole week, i cant get the burden off my mind, i cant smile, let alone laugh....until tonight! He totally make my night tonight! Wew!! You should msg me more, if you are reading this, which im kinda sure you are :D Well, you guys will be wondering, why am i so happy to receive a msg from that guy? Well...like i say, he bring me lots of fun!! We have quite a short flame war.. Comes to me and start swearing and all.. That IS a nice opening.. I swear, i never see people do opening like that one.. But he does! So, awesome dude!!

His last msg is "...which obviously I can do something about it" It makes me think, "what can he possibly do?? Burn my house? kidnap my bro? Or wad? He doesnt sound too dangerous leh.." and again, surprise surprise, guess wad he do?? He told mt about it! and in response, mt msg me "hey, heard ben msg you just now... I'm sorry that you cant take it like a man!" Wow! what an awesome and most revelating statement ever!! I really cant stop saying wow, can i? -.- But serioiusly, guys, im totally amazed.. it's like the whole thing become my fault! haha! Well, doesnt matter, I'm juz happy that i can talk to mt again, after so long.. Aaahhh, she even remembered my lines to kp :) How sweet.... ;)

Well, 7-8 days i have restless sleep.. 7-8 days i keep being depressed.. 7-8 days my mind cant stop wandering at night.. And guess wad? THIS IS THE MOST FUCKINGLY AWESOME NIGHT EVER!!! AND IM GOING TO HAVE A GOODNIGHT SLEEP TONIGHT!!

==================================Day 9 after break up===================================

Mm, kinda glad you sms-ed me tonight.. It have been so long that we actually talked.. At times i wanted to msg u again and again, but i always thought you'll just wont reply.. Honestly speaking, I'm quite disappointed that all your msg is nothing but sarcasm, words that plan to shoot me down totally.. It hurts to see you do it like that suddenly.. Your might be totally alright, you might be all strong, but i just didnt expect you can act this far to me.. I'm really disappointed, both to you and to myself.. I'm sorry that i act like jerk to you tonight.. I really am.. And please, i will really prefer you to talk to me instead of asking Ben to.. Honest.. Looking forward till your next...(hopefully not) sarcastic sms..

Ah, such a lazy afternoon.. Raining heavily and im pretty sleepy out of sudden. And before i knew it, i fell to deep slumber alrd.. That's like ard 2.45pm and when i woke up, it's almost 6pm alrd... In this 3 hours, Lord give me a peculiar dream, as if to put me into mt's position for the past 9 months

I dreamt that i went to this holiday trip, and I met with this girl. She's totally awesome and totally my type.. But as time passes (in my dream), i begin to realize that she is a bit irritating.. How so? Because, whenever i talked to her, trying to tell her something, she'll cut me off and pretending that she knew alrd, and most often than not, i tried to ask her out to go down buy stuffs and all (it's holiday resort, so yeah...) and yeah, she wants, but she never ask me down together.. It's as if, that she didn't realize that I'm there.. It's just as if she never appreciate me at all.. Then, i woke up...and realized it's all a dream.. Then i asked God, why You gave me this dream? Then He told me "try and search your feeling, doesn't it resembles to the way you treat mt mostly?"

She told me repititiously on how it have irritates her alrd, and i never heed it, and now i realize it is THAT irritating...

==================================Day 9 after break up===================================

There is this part, in the dream, that the girl turn out to be you.. we were sitting on a couch, like how we used to sit in theather or something.. Then suddenly, it feels like the 1st time we kissed.. You are so close and yet it's like as if there is this barrier between us.. I tried to break it and move closer to you, but suddenly you moved away just like that, and when i look again, you are nt sitting anymore and running away alrd.. Darn, i really miss the time when we are together..

I know i shouldnt blog so early in the morning, lest there'll be nothing else to be blogged at afternoon time, but I really am bored now, so i though of just post stuffs that happen between ytd's blog till now then..

Nothing much happen at night actually.. Talked to zakia, and bother her more.. Haha, thanks for being such an awesome friend.. I'm sorry that I'll need to bother you more these few days.. Kristy told me to cheer up also.. This remind me so much on how I asked others to cheer up when they just broke up.. Now, suddenly, i feel that talking is really cheap.. But it really is hard to cheer up in this kind of condition..

God, hear my humble prayer once more.. Aren't I Your precious and beloved son? Lord, this whole issue is really disturbing me greatly.. I really cant be myself in this kind of condition.. Please Lord, let me be like the guy that are able to post something like what i post in April 26th last year Lord.. Please let me be able to go through this without much suffering Lord.. I tried to solve this problem myself, and all it bring just more and more sufferings, it took me a while to realize, but now I know, only You can help me to solve this, so Lord, I come to you to ask for your help Lord.. Thank You Lord, to listen to my prayer.. In Jesus name Lord, who have died to set me free and gave me the right to come and ask for your help Lord, I pray.. Amen

==================================Day 9 after break up===================================

You slept quite early ytd night.. You only came home around 9pm and sleep ard 10pm alrd.. Tired after the whole day of excitement huh? Going out early for the service 2mr eh? I remembered the time when we went for early service and spend the rest of the day out.. It's sooo much fun.. Then we can go to theater by the bay and all.. I wonder if that's what you guys will be doing today also...

This will be all for my morning post.. I will post more if there's interesting stuff happen at afternoon time later..



Saturday, March 28, 2009

Planned out a mastermind with zakia ytd.. Ok, more like I plan, and ask for her approval, just in case, what I thought is just some crappy idea, and fortunately she says it's ok.. But even ytd, I have no idea to make it a 2 prong attack.. Until this morning, when i talked to kerou.. She agree to help me out in exchange for the plan that who knows might be useful to her.. I hope it's gonna be a success..

Went out with my mum this afternoon to chinatown.. Initially, i thought it's gonna be okay AGAIN.. Like, i thought, "we" never went there before.. But upon arrival, once again, memory flood through my mind again.. Not as much as ytd when i went to Toa Payoh though.. Even when me and my mum went to orchard, a place that i rarely go and safely assume that is save to go, I can recollect memories also.. Apparently, yeah, we ever went there also.. Honestly, is there nowhere in this island that's exciting and "we" never visit before???? ARGH!!

Well, that should be all for now, since my mum have been screaming for me to get off from com and help her in kitchen.. I'll blog again when more things happen

==================================Day 8 after break up===================================

It's saturday, and usually we'll be out today.. I wonder where u'll be going today.. Saw you online at 10am this morning, and went offline ard 11.15.. I thought you will be going out early today.. which you prove me wrong, when u pop up online again at 11.45.. Then, i didnt keep track of it le, since i need to go out with my mum.. And when i'm back, you are long gone le.. Come back early today please? I just want to see you online again....

Ytd night, its yet another restless night.. I cant sleep coz my mind keep picturing you and ben walking together, you and ben kissing, you and ben watch movie, you and ben this and that, basically you and ben does whatever we'll usually do.. Wont you recalled about us when you do it? Why everything seems so easy for you, when it's such a big burden for me? I really cant bear the burden anymore that i actually prayed to God.. I asked him to give me a bit of peacefulness just so that i can sleep, to regenerate all the lost energies that i have spent to improve myself. But the more i try to get the peacefulness, the more my mind goes chaotic.. It might sounds very emoic and you might laugh when you read this, but eventually i prayed to God, asking Him to send me His angel of death, to just claim my life away, so that I will just sleep there peacefully, caring not about this worldly worry.. But, as we have known, He love me too much to do that.. I know He want me to learn my lesson, i know.. It have been 8 days, and none of the days feels light.. I just hope, the lesson wont need to be so hard..



Friday, March 27, 2009

Wow, im back again.. Haha.. I wonder how many people will view this post.. =x
I decided I'll come back to blog again, to occupy my free time now.. I heard lots of people give me advice that I need to make myself busy and all to "move on", so, ta daa~ here am I

Well, today starts out quite late.. I only woke up at ard 9am due to some weird clucking noise.. Initially, i ignore it, but when it become too unbearable, i decided to check it and guess wad? It's those worker that's doing their upgrading job -.- I went to wash up and all, and ask wj, whether he playing rapplez or not.. And as the matter of fact, he is, not only that, his lvl is far ahead of me alrd and i thought i win him alrd ytd. Tsk..will need to chiong again, and I really do hope I didnt give up too early, since he really do me a favour to acc me play alrd.. Haha..

Went out with my mum to toa payoh just now.. Initially, she want to go to City Hall's carefour, which I object adamantly, for I thought, it surely will make me emo badly, since "we" spent much time there alrd, and the memories is thickest there, esp "we" need to go to theater by the bay.. But i do not realize till i reached toa payoh, that it is there, where my memories will overflow me.. For goodness sake, it is there, where "we" went for our 1st movie and dinner.. And sure enough, i lost my concentration there.. I always like to laugh at those emo people, like how stupid can they get? So lost and so unfocused just becoz they break up or quarell, but look at my own condition now... BUT I still wont call myself emo, so you shouldnt too! :D

==================================Day 7 after break up===================================

It have been a week.. probably the longest week i ever felt.. I talked to many friends of mine alrd, and yeah, seems like they gave me the same advice "Dont think about her anymore, just move on.." And that is just how much i want to do, but it really is not as easy as it sounds.. Move on? Then what about our memories? What about everything that we had done? Am i just going to forget all and deny that it ever happen? If either zakia or sudono read this, I know im going to get hell lot of scolding.. But this is really happening to me now.. I cant even bring myself thinking about other girls, which is totally weird.. For if i were to be honest, when we are together, it's more often that not that sometimes i think about other girls more than you.. Perhaps, now i knew the meaning of the word "loss" When i talked to you, you really seems very happy and unburdened.. If I were to be honest, i really does envy you.. I really have no idea how you can do it, and i cant.. I really wish i have just another chance, but it does seems impossible, for it will means that i need to make you break up with ben huh? Perhaps, if the feeling still stays, i will wait till you are over with ben and maybe i'll work my way up again.. I guess that's all for now..