Thursday, February 28, 2008

Lol, too much free time in Indo actually do makes my minds wander around.. I noe that i dun really trust my friend abt relationship things, but it seems like he is the only one i can talk to in Indo right now..

As we talked, memories sure does flow in.. Wanna noe something weird that i dug up? I juz realize i never have a "normal" relationship.. Yes! extra-ordinary, u can say.. Why? Coz it juz seems unreal.. I mean, the way we maintain our relationship, both the case with Sue and Jac, is really totally different, weird i can say.. Somehow, i really envy my friend as we exchange story.. Sure, his relationship didnt last damn long one, which cause him to change "partner" constantly, but when he is in relationship, he sure does enjoy his time.. Going out with his gf, watch movie, etc etc.. Basically, she'll be there when he needs her.. (But bastardly, he is not there when she need him -.-)

I mean, look at that.. Neither Sue nor Jac have been there when i need them.. OI! Shut up! Pathetic ur face! This is not pathetic, this is juz, um, um, PATIENCE TRAINING!! GET IT?? Lol!! I mean, who am i kid with? I always gave myself excuse saying that they are busy, that's why they cant be here.. But keep on using that reason, it really only brings my spirit further down.. Causing my mind to wander off further..

Perhaps, what Pastor Prince said abt relationship is correct.. Perhaps, I am juz not ready to get involved in this kind of big game.. But damn! i really wanted to feel the feeling.. I might be asking for too much, but i also wanted to feel loved and not only hear the word "I love you" from my partner.. Am I really that not ready yet? What have i gone wrong in doing anw? I really dun get it..

Coming back to Indo makes things worse only.. Not only i am lagged behind on my weekly goals in "advancing", I also cant do anything worth doing here.. If only not becoz of the gym session at afternoon time and my friends who came back waiting for their 1st year in poly, i think i should have bored to death..

My wish is that when i go back to sg alrd, i can find a gf that really understands me.. Asking for impossible, i noe, but there is no wrong in having a wish rite?

God, who arts in Heaven, please listen to my humble prayer..
God, i know i might not have been the best bf on my previous previous experience of relationship, but trust me, God, i really have tried my best.
I really cant find and dont know how to improve my performance anymore, but i trust You will help me..
Please God, let me experience 1 more time of the feeling that i longed to feel alrd, God..
In Jesus name, I pray, Amen..



Friday, February 15, 2008

I'm telling you, dont come and tell me "damn, how boring life is" coz believe me, you have not really experienced what u called BORED!!

I came back to Indonesia like 2 weeks ago (Hey! Dun blame me on not writting, I juz able to get hold to the net connection ytd -.-) due to CNY and my poly holiday.. 10 weeks, damn it.. Why they give holiday so long one??? -.- Aside from bored (coz cant play anything here), my mom still try to kill me by packing my time till it's hard to breathe.. Gym, driving lesson, music class (which i havent even try it out), and shop works.. It sounds like i have a few activity only huh? But believe me or nt, that already summarize my whole day from 9am till 6pm.. Hmm? Why so shock on the word Gym? YA!! U READ IT CORRECTLY, DUN NEED TO RUB UR EYES!! Damn, that gym thing really killing me.. I went twice, starting 2 days ago, only, and here am i, with all my muscle aching.. When i told the instructor so, he only smile at me and say "It's suppose to be that way" Lame isnt it? As i'm typing nw, all my chest and shoulder part are hurting like hell, hope these pains pays off before i went back to sg.. HAHAHAA!!!

K, that should pretty sums up everything.. And if u'll excuse me, i would like to continue "saving the world" (for those who noes what this mean, u can smile to urself now.. For those who dont, i's basically saying that i'm going to play some game.. HAHA)

Take care, cya

Shiroi Oogami
Signing out



Sunday, February 3, 2008

3rd of February 1:55am.. It have been 2 months and 10 days.. Fun and not fun, mixture, kinda.. It have come to end though.. We have officially break up.. She told me everything i need to know, I also told her everything i should told her also.. No matter what I do now, it will be too late already..
why will breaking up will always being so painful? Juz how many girls have i made crying? This is where i kept my memories, I hope this memory will be kept and preserve like how it deserve..

I learnt a lot of things for the past 2 months.. Not only for my skill improvement but also attitude improvement.. Lots of things to be typed out if I need to type it out.. But anw, that's more like over.. Maybe her friends are true, maybe I am just some bastard that dun recognize luck when it is in front of my eyes.. I marked a lot of places with memories, and i am pretty sure, whenever i saw those things or objects again somewhere, someday, it's gonna bring back my memories.. Both bitter and sweet one..

I,sigh, dun think that in a condition to continue writing.. A lot of things i want to record down, but, my mind are juz so jumble up that i cant think anything straight.. Gimme sometime, maybe i'll sort it out and re-write again next time..

2 months and 10 days.....time sure flies huh? Thx a lot Jac.. Really,thx.. and I'm sry...