Thursday, February 28, 2008

Lol, too much free time in Indo actually do makes my minds wander around.. I noe that i dun really trust my friend abt relationship things, but it seems like he is the only one i can talk to in Indo right now..

As we talked, memories sure does flow in.. Wanna noe something weird that i dug up? I juz realize i never have a "normal" relationship.. Yes! extra-ordinary, u can say.. Why? Coz it juz seems unreal.. I mean, the way we maintain our relationship, both the case with Sue and Jac, is really totally different, weird i can say.. Somehow, i really envy my friend as we exchange story.. Sure, his relationship didnt last damn long one, which cause him to change "partner" constantly, but when he is in relationship, he sure does enjoy his time.. Going out with his gf, watch movie, etc etc.. Basically, she'll be there when he needs her.. (But bastardly, he is not there when she need him -.-)

I mean, look at that.. Neither Sue nor Jac have been there when i need them.. OI! Shut up! Pathetic ur face! This is not pathetic, this is juz, um, um, PATIENCE TRAINING!! GET IT?? Lol!! I mean, who am i kid with? I always gave myself excuse saying that they are busy, that's why they cant be here.. But keep on using that reason, it really only brings my spirit further down.. Causing my mind to wander off further..

Perhaps, what Pastor Prince said abt relationship is correct.. Perhaps, I am juz not ready to get involved in this kind of big game.. But damn! i really wanted to feel the feeling.. I might be asking for too much, but i also wanted to feel loved and not only hear the word "I love you" from my partner.. Am I really that not ready yet? What have i gone wrong in doing anw? I really dun get it..

Coming back to Indo makes things worse only.. Not only i am lagged behind on my weekly goals in "advancing", I also cant do anything worth doing here.. If only not becoz of the gym session at afternoon time and my friends who came back waiting for their 1st year in poly, i think i should have bored to death..

My wish is that when i go back to sg alrd, i can find a gf that really understands me.. Asking for impossible, i noe, but there is no wrong in having a wish rite?

God, who arts in Heaven, please listen to my humble prayer..
God, i know i might not have been the best bf on my previous previous experience of relationship, but trust me, God, i really have tried my best.
I really cant find and dont know how to improve my performance anymore, but i trust You will help me..
Please God, let me experience 1 more time of the feeling that i longed to feel alrd, God..
In Jesus name, I pray, Amen..